Mrs. Trump’s Speech

“Good morning Mrs. Trump.”

“Please call me Melania. What is your name again, by the way?”

“Meredith, Meredith McIver.  I’m your speech writer.”

“Oh yes, Donald said you’d be popping in.”

“Okay, Melania.  I’ve been working on your convention speech and I think I’ve just about finished.  There are some ringing phrases in it that I’m sure you’re going to like. I think we’ll have the delegates on their feet in Cleveland.”

“Oh, I do hope so, Meredith.”

“So, we start by setting the tone. Here’s my suggested opening.  ‘Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of New York’.”

“I like it Meredith.  You do have a way with words, I must say.”

“That’s my job, Melania, that’s what I’m paid for.”

“What’s next?”

“Well, you go on in a somewhat defiant tone of voice.  ‘We shall fight them on the beaches ….’”

“Sorry, Meredith, but what beaches are we’re talking about here?”

“They are metaphorical beaches, Melania.”

“Meta-what?

“Metaphorical.  It means that we Republicans must repel the advance of the liberals and the pinkoes before they gain a foothold.  That goes for the Mexicans, too.”

“Oh yes, I see.  What should I be saying about the Mexicans, by the way?”

“There’s nothing new to say.  It happened in Monterey, a long time ago.”

“What did?”

“The war.”

“Did we win it?”

“Yes we did.  And speaking of winning, just remember this.  Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.  I think we might use that, now that I’ve thought of it.”

“It does have a certain ring to it.  You’re so clever.”

“We mustn’t dwell too much on politics, though, so I’ve put in something about your marriage to Donald.  It goes like this: ‘It is a far, far better thing that I did than I have ever done.’  How does that sound?”

“Wonderful.  And it’s also very true!”

“Good. And we need a bold declaration that conveys what this campaign is all about.  Try this on for size. ‘This nation, under Donald, shall have a new birth of freedom and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’.”

“I think you’re on to something there, Meredith.  That sounds just like the Donald I know, a man of the people.  I can hear the cheers already.”

“We’ll follow this up with a rousing exhortation ….”

“Sorry, Meredith, what was that word again?’”

“Exhortation, Melania, it’s a call to duty.  For example, here I have you saying, ‘Ask not what Donald can do for you.  Ask what you can do for Donald.’  You see, even Mr. Trump, clever as he is, can’t do everything himself.  He needs the American people to help him.”

“That’s perfectly true, Meredith!  Donald was saying so himself only this morning in the plane.  It’s his very own plane, you know, with his name on the side.”

“Yes, he likes his name on everything, doesn’t he?  Speaking of which, we need a motto for Donald.  Something that’s short and catchy.  How about this?  ‘Speak softly and carry a big stick.’”

“Well, I don’t know about that, Meredith.  Donald isn’t exactly soft-spoken …. But he does have a big stick.”

“Yes, I’ve heard that about him.”

“And he uses it wherever he goes.”

“I’ve heard that, too. But let’s not forget the essential point we want to get across, Melania.  Actions always speak louder than words.”

“Yes, I see.”

“Now, we come to the grand finale, as it were.  We’re going to show that Donald will be a non-nonsense president with gravitas.  I’m especially proud of this line. It came to me in the bath this morning. ‘Occasionally the tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of patriots and tyrants.’  What do you think?”

“That sounds perfect.  I swear I can hear Donald saying it.”

“Well, Melania, that’s about it for now.  I’ll leave a draft of the speech for you to look over.  What we want to hear, coming through your lips, and from your heart, is the real Donald Trump, the genuine Donald Trump, not some pale imitation.”

“I think you’ve caught him perfectly, Meredith.”

“If you want to add anything, please don’t hesitate to call me.  I have no pride of authorship.”

“Thank you, Meredith, but I don’t think I could possibly improve on what you’ve written.  You’re a genius.  Have you ever thought of going into politics yourself?”

“No, Melania, I’d rather dream up my own phrases than mouth the words of others.”

“And very good at it you are, too, Meredith, very good indeed.”

Mrs. Trump’s Speech

 

“Good morning Mrs. Trump.”

“Please call me Melania. What is your name again, by the way?”

“Meredith, Meredith McIver.  I’m your speech writer.”

“Oh yes, Donald said you’d be popping in.”

“Okay, Melania.  I’ve been working on your convention speech and I think I’ve just about finished.  There are some ringing phrases in it that I’m sure you’re going to like. I think we’ll have the delegates on their feet in Cleveland.”

“Oh, I do hope so, Meredith.”

“So, we start by setting the tone. Here’s my suggested opening.  ‘Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of New York’.”

“I like it Meredith.  You do have a way with words, I must say.”

“That’s my job, Melania, that’s what I’m paid for.”

“What’s next?”

“Well, you go on in a somewhat defiant tone of voice.  ‘We shall fight them on the beaches ….’”

“Sorry, Meredith, but what beaches are we’re talking about here?”

“They are metaphorical beaches, Melania.”

“Meta-what?

“Metaphorical.  It means that we Republicans must repel the advance of the liberals and the pinkoes before they gain a foothold.  That goes for the Mexicans, too.”

“Oh yes, I see.  What should I be saying about the Mexicans, by the way?”

“There’s nothing new to say.  It happened in Monterey, a long time ago.”

“What did?”

“The war.”

“Did we win it?”

“Yes we did.  And speaking of winning, just remember this.  Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing.  I think we might use that, now that I’ve thought of it.”

“It does have a certain ring to it.  You’re so clever.”

“We mustn’t dwell too much on politics, though, so I’ve put in something about your marriage to Donald.  It goes like this: ‘It is a far, far better thing that I did than I have ever done.’  How does that sound?”

“Wonderful.  And it’s also very true!”

“Good. And we need a bold declaration that conveys what this campaign is all about.  Try this on for size. ‘This nation, under Donald, shall have a new birth of freedom and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’.”

“I think you’re on to something there, Meredith.  That sounds just like the Donald I know, a man of the people.  I can hear the cheers already.”

“We’ll follow this up with a rousing exhortation ….”

“Sorry, Meredith, what was that word again?’”

“Exhortation, Melania, it’s a call to duty.  For example, here I have you saying, ‘Ask not what Donald can do for you.  Ask what you can do for Donald.’  You see, even Mr. Trump, clever as he is, can’t do everything himself.  He needs the American people to help him.”

“That’s perfectly true, Meredith!  Donald was saying so himself only this morning in the plane.  It’s his very own plane, you know, with his name on the side.”

“Yes, he likes his name on everything, doesn’t he?  Speaking of which, we need a motto for Donald.  Something that’s short and catchy.  How about this?  ‘Speak softly and carry a big stick.’”

“Well, I don’t know about that, Meredith.  Donald isn’t exactly soft-spoken …. But he does have a big stick.”

“Yes, I’ve heard that about him.”

“And he uses it wherever he goes.”

“I’ve heard that, too. But let’s not forget the essential point we want to get across, Melania.  Actions always speak louder than words.”

“Yes, I see.”

“Now, we come to the grand finale, as it were.  We’re going to show that Donald will be a non-nonsense president with gravitas.  I’m especially proud of this line. It came to me in the bath this morning. ‘Occasionally the tree of liberty must be watered with the blood of patriots and tyrants.’  What do you think?”

“That sounds perfect.  I swear I can hear Donald saying it.”

“Well, Melania, that’s about it for now.  I’ll leave a draft of the speech for you to look over.  What we want to hear, coming through your lips, and from your heart, is the real Donald Trump, the genuine Donald Trump, not some pale imitation.”

“I think you’ve caught him perfectly, Meredith.”

“If you want to add anything, please don’t hesitate to call me.  I have no pride of authorship.”

“Thank you, Meredith, but I don’t think I could possibly improve on what you’ve written.  You’re a genius.  Have you ever thought of going into politics yourself?”

“No, Melania, I’d rather dream up my own phrases than mouth the words of others.”

“And very good at it you are, too, Meredith, very good indeed.”